How Do Lobsters Grow?

And why it might help you to know…

On Monday, at my monthly Write With Me Club, I was leading a mini-workshop on sex writing and suggested an exercise to write about a first – hopefully positive – sexual experience (for those White Ink members who missed Monday’s Zoom meeting I will be putting this into a post next week so you won’t miss out).

As we were coming to the end of our meet-up, one of my lovely subscribers mentioned how uncomfortable she finds it reading sex in books, let alone writing about it.

It is perfectly normal in writing — and life — to turn away from things that make us feel uncomfortable, yet perhaps these are the exact things we need to turn towards in order to develop as writers, and humans.

I appeared many times on live breakfast TV simply because speaking to the nation terrified me. I coped with this by telling myself that the worst thing that could happen was that I threw up all over myself on live TV and, as that was fairly unlikely, anything else would be a bonus.

I was petrified doing my Ted Talk on The Power of Storytelling seven years ago, particularly because I wasn’t allowed any notes or prompts and had to remember the whole thing off by heart. I’d not practised (typical me) and the day before, at the rehearsal, I remembered nothing of my talk. But of course, on the day, that old friend adrenalin kicked in, and I only stumbled once.

In the subjects that I write about, I tend to be drawn to the things that I find scary — dementia and death being two of them previously. But then the challenge for me as a writer becomes making these subjects less scary to others.

I listened to an interview with the writer Jo Ann Beard recently who said that it may seem as if writers dwell in dark or uncomfortable places, but she insisted it’s not because we like them, it’s because ‘the darkest places are the ones that need to be illuminated.’

So all of this is to say that above you will find one of my very favourite You Tube clips, and some very wise words that I have returned to time and again in my life. You don’t have to apply them to your writing life, you might apply them to your personal life, but it might give you a new insight into how you deal with things that make you feel uncomfortable — because, just like the lobster, it is those times of discomfort that help us to grow, and those uncomfortable feelings may actually be directing us towards opportunities.

It also put me in mind of an excellent piece that I read by

Dr Sharon Blackie

this week, her thesis for the essay being that as both men and women the uncomfortable feelings we experience at midlife are vital and important for our own personal growth into the next phase of our lives. You can read that piece here, and I’d really recommend you do.

So, scroll back and have a look at that video at the top of this post, it is only a couple of minutes long, and ask yourself this – what are you feeling uncomfortable about at the moment? What do you not want to do? Consider whether going towards the thing that scares you might be an opportunity for growth for you. Use this in your writing life and your personal one. And if there is nothing you can think of, maybe bookmark this post and keep it in your back pocket for when you need it.

I’d love to know your thoughts, and this is a free post, so feel free to share it, in fact I’d be very grateful if you would.

If you have enjoyed reading this post and would like to show your appreciation for me having written it, then you can upgrade to become a full White Ink member here. It is a little like tipping, and it is so much appreciated by me as this is how I make my living and pay my bills. Being a member gives you great benefits too, like access to my archive including more than 25 guest author posts and you can also join my online Write With Me Club and spend an hour each month hanging out with me.