Thank you both so much for this discussion. Someone in my family completed her buyer training in Harrods, and was there for a while after Al Fayed bought it. I haven’t had a chance to talk to her yet, and it is such a sensitive subject to introduce until someone is ready, but the last week has stirred up so many memories for me of going up to meet her, as I had done so many times, and of how edgy everyone I knew seemed to be, compared to before, and how much the shop changed in appearance too. It’s too easy to filter memories through everything that has now come out, but I feel haunted by what all of these women are living with, and the thought that some of the women I knew may have been carrying an awful trauma when I met them back in the 80’s. And it brings back all the ‘handsy’ groping, inappropriate behaviour I dealt with, while the older women in the offices I worked in would respond in a ‘men will be men’ it’s just how he is’ way, because that was the reality
Yes Jaimie, completely understand what you’re describing, I’m hoping things have changed these days, although it might just be the same thing in a different disguise. Some men will always find a way to control and, sadly, abuse. Of course some women do this too, but when it comes to sexual violence, I think we know who the perpetrator is. Thank you for sharing. I hope your friend is ok when you do speak to her.
Thanks so much to Nicole and Anna - we need to hear more conversations like this.
Our understanding of domestic abuse has evolved and it is now acknowledged that not all forms of domestic abuse involve physical contact. We need to expand the definition of sexual abuse and ingrain in our understanding that sexual abuse exists in non physical forms too - voyeurism, abuse of privacy, the overhanging threat of unwanted sexual contact (to name but a few) need to be recognised and treated as sexual abuse.
Nicole was generous and courageous to share with us the often complex and confusing relationships survivors can have with their abusers. Not all abusers fit the mould of 'dirty old man' and can often have many sides - caring father, fun uncle, dedicated teacher, generous neighbour . Survivors can be left with a bewildering range of feelings towards these master manipulators which can inhibit recognising (never mind reporting) the abuse.
Watching Nicole and Anna last night I couldn't stop this Maya Angelou quote from running through my head:
'When a woman stands up for herself , without knowing it possibly, without claiming it, she stands up for all women'.
This was an interesting and depressing watch. That culture of ignoring/avoiding inappropriate behaviour (which ultimately accommodated it) felt very familiar. In the late 80s and early 90s I worked in a gift shop. The boss’s husband was a minor TV celeb in the 60s and sexually harassed all the young women who worked there. I was 15 when I started as a Saturday girl and none of the other women warned me what he was like because they assumed he wouldn’t target someone so young. Unfortunately they were wrong. No one made a fuss or left because of it. I think on some level we just accepted that’s the way the world was and got on with it, but it is strange to look back on it now
Thanks for sharing, Sasha, and I am sure so many readers will have experienced similar. And you are absolutely right that turning a blind eye to it did accommodate it.
Watching from the other side of the world- thanks!
Abuse is abuse, no experiences should be considered any less because the physical act of rape was not performed.
I hope more women become empowered to speak up as a result of this.
And that money = power is a scourge of humanity.
Absolutely, thank you for watching, Sarah.
Thank you both so much for this discussion. Someone in my family completed her buyer training in Harrods, and was there for a while after Al Fayed bought it. I haven’t had a chance to talk to her yet, and it is such a sensitive subject to introduce until someone is ready, but the last week has stirred up so many memories for me of going up to meet her, as I had done so many times, and of how edgy everyone I knew seemed to be, compared to before, and how much the shop changed in appearance too. It’s too easy to filter memories through everything that has now come out, but I feel haunted by what all of these women are living with, and the thought that some of the women I knew may have been carrying an awful trauma when I met them back in the 80’s. And it brings back all the ‘handsy’ groping, inappropriate behaviour I dealt with, while the older women in the offices I worked in would respond in a ‘men will be men’ it’s just how he is’ way, because that was the reality
Yes Jaimie, completely understand what you’re describing, I’m hoping things have changed these days, although it might just be the same thing in a different disguise. Some men will always find a way to control and, sadly, abuse. Of course some women do this too, but when it comes to sexual violence, I think we know who the perpetrator is. Thank you for sharing. I hope your friend is ok when you do speak to her.
Thanks so much to Nicole and Anna - we need to hear more conversations like this.
Our understanding of domestic abuse has evolved and it is now acknowledged that not all forms of domestic abuse involve physical contact. We need to expand the definition of sexual abuse and ingrain in our understanding that sexual abuse exists in non physical forms too - voyeurism, abuse of privacy, the overhanging threat of unwanted sexual contact (to name but a few) need to be recognised and treated as sexual abuse.
Nicole was generous and courageous to share with us the often complex and confusing relationships survivors can have with their abusers. Not all abusers fit the mould of 'dirty old man' and can often have many sides - caring father, fun uncle, dedicated teacher, generous neighbour . Survivors can be left with a bewildering range of feelings towards these master manipulators which can inhibit recognising (never mind reporting) the abuse.
Watching Nicole and Anna last night I couldn't stop this Maya Angelou quote from running through my head:
'When a woman stands up for herself , without knowing it possibly, without claiming it, she stands up for all women'.
Claim it Nicole and Anna, you did an amazing job.
Thanks Rebecca, yes I was thinking of this quote too while we were talking. So true.
This was an interesting and depressing watch. That culture of ignoring/avoiding inappropriate behaviour (which ultimately accommodated it) felt very familiar. In the late 80s and early 90s I worked in a gift shop. The boss’s husband was a minor TV celeb in the 60s and sexually harassed all the young women who worked there. I was 15 when I started as a Saturday girl and none of the other women warned me what he was like because they assumed he wouldn’t target someone so young. Unfortunately they were wrong. No one made a fuss or left because of it. I think on some level we just accepted that’s the way the world was and got on with it, but it is strange to look back on it now
Thanks for sharing, Sasha, and I am sure so many readers will have experienced similar. And you are absolutely right that turning a blind eye to it did accommodate it.
I suppose it accommodated it within the context of an unequal power structure though…