Very well put, I agree with your opinions in this piece. Violence is never the answer. Maybe Will should have kept quiet until he accepted his Oscar then in his speech made a reference to it. I've seen footage of Will and Jada and entourage going into the after party and she looks particularly uncomfortable, as would I in that situation. Sometimes it's better to be single 🤔 having a man is like having an extra child.
First of all, thank you for your excellent articles. In this one you highlight issues I hadn't thought about too much. I'm a psychotherapist in the Irish equivalent of the NHS so I see lots of women who have been abused as children and adults. But in between serious abuse and good days there is a 'middle ground' of tension and anxious anticipation about what ' the man' may do in reaction to ordinary problems and challenges. Thank you for reminding me of this.
Some very thought provoking points. I agree with your considered thoughts - as always seems to be the case. First and foremost, I agree violence should never be the answer.
A few other points to throw in...
My first impression was:
I don't understand why Chris Rock made that joke. Making jokes about those suffering (aka "punching down") is the worst form of comedy - in fact it is less humour and more like the start of bullying.
I could understand why Will Smith may have reacted the way he did. It may have been a response to the many private occasions over a long period of his time where he has seen Jada very upset and suffering. Only then to have a crass joke made about it in public, hitting that raw nerve. The photo you share above is actually an interesting moment, in the immediate seconds after the "joke" was made. He has that awkward smile where he's processing what was just said and thinking, "did he really just say that?". Her reaction is more immediate and clearly not a happy one.
Reflecting now on what you've added... the above is a lot of conjecture about how Will Smith may have been feeling. I hadn't considered your point about Will saying "my wife" and it possibly being him that is more offended - which may be the root of some, most or all of his motivation too behind the slap.
More broadly, I agree with the general point about volatile partners and the tension of wondering what may escalate, but would note it sometimes works the other way too. As an example...
I was at a Stone Roses concert in a small theatre in Paris a few years ago. My wife and I got there early and were on the front row of the balcony (I was sat next to the aisle). A couple of English lads turned up and sat nearby. One was a bit drunk, the other very drunk. Part way through the show, the very drunk came down the aisle steps and stood next to me, arms waving around up in the air, right in front of my face, etc. I politely asked him to stop / move away. This happened numerous times and eventually he got fed up and went and sat down, shouting a few expletives in my face. His mate then came down, stood in the same place, much more polite, no problem at all and was there for about 20 minutes, half an hour. At the end of the show, the very drunk guy came back and started having a go at me, demanding to know why I'd let his mate stand there but not him. It then escalated quite quickly - he started swearing, pushing me, etc. I'm pretty calm in these situations and tried to keep him at arms length, even when he swung a couple of punches at me and missed (I stepped back each time), though my wife (half Hungarian) has a slightly hotter temper, pushed back and hit him, defending me. He then realising (I assume) that he shouldn't hit a woman turned and came at me. I jumped back but was then up against the wall and he punched me in the head a couple of times, knocking my head into the wall. Not that hard (the shock was worse than the punches). I remember thinking wow, that escalated quickly. Eventually his mate pulled him off me and told me to leave quickly while he tried to hold his mate back.
Now I don't want to paint my wife as volatile/violent as the worst men can be - she's very calm and gentle normally but, in the past especially got riled easily by the bad behaviour of others. We all respond differently in situations and it takes time to understand our own behaviours, focus on them and change them.
There was a time when I would also get that tense feeling of - how might she react? Not often thankfully, but it did add to my stress in some situations. And thankfully very rarely now.
As an aside, I've been lucky enough to go to shows by different bands in most countries in Europe over the past twenty years and a couple in the USA too. Invariably, the behaviour of British men, especially boozed up ones, is the absolute worst - to the point that, even before a band comes on stage, you just know more often than not that is going to be one/some of the lairy drunk British men who are going to be the pains in the backside in the crowd during the show.
Love this! Thank you for sharing this perspective, so important
Thank you for reading!💗
Very well put, I agree with your opinions in this piece. Violence is never the answer. Maybe Will should have kept quiet until he accepted his Oscar then in his speech made a reference to it. I've seen footage of Will and Jada and entourage going into the after party and she looks particularly uncomfortable, as would I in that situation. Sometimes it's better to be single 🤔 having a man is like having an extra child.
First of all, thank you for your excellent articles. In this one you highlight issues I hadn't thought about too much. I'm a psychotherapist in the Irish equivalent of the NHS so I see lots of women who have been abused as children and adults. But in between serious abuse and good days there is a 'middle ground' of tension and anxious anticipation about what ' the man' may do in reaction to ordinary problems and challenges. Thank you for reminding me of this.
Oh thanks so much for reading, I’m pleased I’ve given you pause for thought.
Some very thought provoking points. I agree with your considered thoughts - as always seems to be the case. First and foremost, I agree violence should never be the answer.
A few other points to throw in...
My first impression was:
I don't understand why Chris Rock made that joke. Making jokes about those suffering (aka "punching down") is the worst form of comedy - in fact it is less humour and more like the start of bullying.
I could understand why Will Smith may have reacted the way he did. It may have been a response to the many private occasions over a long period of his time where he has seen Jada very upset and suffering. Only then to have a crass joke made about it in public, hitting that raw nerve. The photo you share above is actually an interesting moment, in the immediate seconds after the "joke" was made. He has that awkward smile where he's processing what was just said and thinking, "did he really just say that?". Her reaction is more immediate and clearly not a happy one.
Reflecting now on what you've added... the above is a lot of conjecture about how Will Smith may have been feeling. I hadn't considered your point about Will saying "my wife" and it possibly being him that is more offended - which may be the root of some, most or all of his motivation too behind the slap.
More broadly, I agree with the general point about volatile partners and the tension of wondering what may escalate, but would note it sometimes works the other way too. As an example...
I was at a Stone Roses concert in a small theatre in Paris a few years ago. My wife and I got there early and were on the front row of the balcony (I was sat next to the aisle). A couple of English lads turned up and sat nearby. One was a bit drunk, the other very drunk. Part way through the show, the very drunk came down the aisle steps and stood next to me, arms waving around up in the air, right in front of my face, etc. I politely asked him to stop / move away. This happened numerous times and eventually he got fed up and went and sat down, shouting a few expletives in my face. His mate then came down, stood in the same place, much more polite, no problem at all and was there for about 20 minutes, half an hour. At the end of the show, the very drunk guy came back and started having a go at me, demanding to know why I'd let his mate stand there but not him. It then escalated quite quickly - he started swearing, pushing me, etc. I'm pretty calm in these situations and tried to keep him at arms length, even when he swung a couple of punches at me and missed (I stepped back each time), though my wife (half Hungarian) has a slightly hotter temper, pushed back and hit him, defending me. He then realising (I assume) that he shouldn't hit a woman turned and came at me. I jumped back but was then up against the wall and he punched me in the head a couple of times, knocking my head into the wall. Not that hard (the shock was worse than the punches). I remember thinking wow, that escalated quickly. Eventually his mate pulled him off me and told me to leave quickly while he tried to hold his mate back.
Now I don't want to paint my wife as volatile/violent as the worst men can be - she's very calm and gentle normally but, in the past especially got riled easily by the bad behaviour of others. We all respond differently in situations and it takes time to understand our own behaviours, focus on them and change them.
There was a time when I would also get that tense feeling of - how might she react? Not often thankfully, but it did add to my stress in some situations. And thankfully very rarely now.
As an aside, I've been lucky enough to go to shows by different bands in most countries in Europe over the past twenty years and a couple in the USA too. Invariably, the behaviour of British men, especially boozed up ones, is the absolute worst - to the point that, even before a band comes on stage, you just know more often than not that is going to be one/some of the lairy drunk British men who are going to be the pains in the backside in the crowd during the show.
PS. The story from your holiday in Tunisia is shocking. You've only given it the most minimal of mentions here, but it sounds absolutely horrible.