33 Comments
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Francesca Bossert's avatar

I tend to agree with the fact that time doesn't really exist when we die, that it's just like going to sleep. I just hope there are nice dreams, and no nightmares. It's a weird concept, isn't it. Does your head in a bit. I've also lost wonderful friends. Yet I feel them around me, most days. Take care of yourself. Lots of love.

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Anna Wharton's avatar

From what I know physically from writing a book about death, it is like going to sleep. And I don’t believe there would be nightmares either. Thank you for sharing.

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Karen's avatar

Another beautiful piece, Anna. Hits you right there: ❤️

Loss is only experienced by the people left behind and one day we’ll be able to see it all, and then we’ll know xx

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Anna Wharton's avatar

🙏🏼❤️

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Gabriel Robartes's avatar

This has been a bad year for losing people, most of them seemingly “before their time”. But I’m not sure that phrase is particularly meaningful, once a little distance is in place. Things and stories and people have a beginning, a middle and an ending and no matter how sudden or hurtful, an ending is an ending and ultimately provides a shape. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt or won’t carry on hurting but it’s an ending and ending make things count.

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Anna Wharton's avatar

This is so true, Gabriel. Sorry to hear you have suffered losses too.

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Donna McArthur's avatar

Our community has lost three relatively young people (40-60ys) in a short span. They were vibrant, lovely people who enriched the lives of everyone around them. It hurts, it makes me wonder, it leaves me sad. I am so sorry about your friends Anna.

Times like this leave me on slightly shaky ground, it makes me wonder where am I in all this, and as you said, where are they? I love Vic's answer, it certainly brings comfort.

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Anna Wharton's avatar

Sorry to hear your community has also suffered losses, Donna. Thank you for your comments and I’m pleased that this piece offered you some comfort.

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Glenn Brigaldino's avatar

sorry too about you losing your friends, don't know what else to say...

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Anna Wharton's avatar

🙏🏼❤️

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david drayer's avatar

Anna, "Time and space are constructs of the anxious mind, a need for explanation, that's how it works...we come into our temporal worlds, and we go out of them; we emerge, and we recede. The answer to where we go after life is obvious - we go to the same place we came from. Bold statements, but then we should be bold." From the most recent post in S&UP (Strange and Unusual Places)

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Anna Wharton's avatar

Thank you for sharing, David.

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Bonnie Radcliffe's avatar

This is so moving and honest. Thank you

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Anna Wharton's avatar

Thank you for reading, Bonnie.

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Amy Cowen's avatar

I have been grappling with this. I love that this builder-turned-friend showed up. I love that there were egg sandwiches and laughter and philosophy. So sorry for your loss.

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Anna Wharton's avatar

I love all those things too. Thank you Amy. I hope this spoke to you.

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Mark A. Olson's avatar

Thank you for these powerful and compelling observations and the story of life and death and friendship and eternal life

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Anna Wharton's avatar

Thanks for reading, Mark.

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Katie Bean's avatar

Thank you for sharing. 🙏

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Anna Wharton's avatar

❤️🙏🏼

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Leah McLaren's avatar

Gorgeous heartbreaking comforting

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Anna Wharton's avatar

❤️

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Dr Lily Dunn's avatar

This is very beautiful Anna. Straight from the heart. And that Brevity essay. Both yours and theirs makes me realise the strength of words - or absence of words - and the importance in what we do ❤️

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Anna Wharton's avatar

It’s so true, Lily. You can understand exactly why that essay spoke to me at this moment, and her tale of the playdoh, the space around words. So affecting.

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Tory Haughton's avatar

OMG I love this. So much comfort. And such a wonderful friend to have.

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Anna Wharton's avatar

Yes, he was. I’m glad these words spoke to you. 🙏🏼❤️

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Ray Tabler's avatar

This reminds me of Steven Pressfield's novel set in ancient Greece, Gates of Fire, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gates_of_Fire. He writes of hoplites after a minor, unimportant battle. In the words of his character, some of your soul leaves your body during a battle. You must become a ruthless killing machine to be of use to your comrades. It is the shock of your complete soul returning which overwhelms in the aftermath.

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Anna Wharton's avatar

That’s very interesting, thank you for sharing that, Ray.

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Aleph's avatar

Thank you for this soul-searching piece, Anna. Losing loved ones is heartbreaking. The fear of separation, the desperate attempt to keep them with us. Sometimes at a cost of prolonging suffering.

Losing a loved one to a suicide is bewildering, to say the least. It is beyond comprehension for most of us how someone could choose to voluntarily end their live when most people will do - and do - anything, to prolong it.

Growing up with a chronically depressed mother with suicidal thoughts I absorbed the relentless terror and pain she felt. I hovered over her and protected her as much as I could, afraid to lose her. Yet I could never fully understand that deep and profound despair and darkness that enveloped her. She was loving and kind - but lost in her pain.

I believe our souls are timeless. We don’t disappear. We just transform. Like your dear friend Jane as a shapeshifter.

We are conditioned to be afraid of anything beyond the physical realm which we cannot sense through our senses. The timelessness, the nothingness, the emptiness - it’s beyond our senses. But it’s around us. I hope there, in that realm, we reencounter our loved ones again - free of pain and timeless.

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Kate Spicer's avatar

I wish I believed in reincarnation. Thank you for that and sorry for your loss x

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Anna Wharton's avatar

Maybe you believe it in when you desperately need to believe something 🤷🏻‍♀️

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