What happens when two bestfriends fall pregnant at the same time, but only one goes on to have her baby? Today I share a piece by me and my bestfriend, Jane because this is what happened to us
I have never been (or wanted to be) a mother, but reading this has left me in tears. Thank you both for sharing such painful memories, and what a testament to your friendship that it didn't really go away, just took a necessary break for a while.
What a beautiful and heartbreaking story, and all of the emotions are so understandable yet just wrenchingly incompatible. I experienced neo natal meningitis with my first born - the lumbar punctures, the intensive care. She’s now 18. I was in complete goosebumps reading about your experience. This is all so honest, complex and true. Thank you both 🙏
I ended up taking my son to the ER at 3 months old when he spiked a fever. He was born early and had been a bit fragile at first, so I was very worried. They checked him for meningitis, which he fortunately didn't have. He just picked up some kind of virus. He was on IV fluids overnight and doing well enough to be released the next afternoon.
I tried to have a baby for 5 years, and at the same time a good friend was on a similar process. We went to the same fertility doctor. She went on to have a child. I did not. It was so so hard in the beginning. Visiting her in the hospital after she'd given birth, in retrospect I don't know how I pulled that off.
Thanks Joanna, it's so common and I think we women feel like we have to be super women and feel happy for our friends when we're really struggling with our own feelings. I'm so grateful to Jane for sharing how it felt and I know other women will find comfort in this. Thank you for sharing your thoughts x
Oh wow, what a touching story, I can feel the love and loss and pain and more love as if it all happened today. I have a difficult story around a lost friendship and miscarriage, though I’m in many ways grateful that we were never as close as you and Jane are, as ours was not recoverable. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable part of your lives 🩵.
Thank you, Louise. Yes, I know that there are friendships out there that don’t recover, but perhaps in some way Jane and I sharing our thoughts might give space to those stories too.
There was a time when I could not get pregnant and my best friend did. I remember feeling a distance between us when the plan had been the opposite. So painful. Lives on the same tracks, suddenly headed for different stations. You learn your plans can mean nothing and the universe is fickle.
This is so moving, Anna. And thank you Jane, also for your story. It's so interesting to hear both sides of the story, particularly for me because I had a similar experience when I was pregnant and a close friend lost her baby. She wasn't as close a friend as your friendship but I was devastated when she cut me off and we never managed to mend that break. She did later go on to have two children, though, which I was very happy about.
I guess we never know until we are in a situation but I am so grateful to Jane for sharing these deeply intimate feelings that I think are very natural for a lot of women, we just don't talk about them.
Thank you both for sharing your stories. Aren’t human hearts complicated? But what a gift true friendship can be.
Very complicated, but yes, you’re right that true friendships are a gift, Jayne. Thank you for reading 🙏🏼❤️
I have never been (or wanted to be) a mother, but reading this has left me in tears. Thank you both for sharing such painful memories, and what a testament to your friendship that it didn't really go away, just took a necessary break for a while.
Thank you, Nicola, and yes, that break is a nice way of putting it.
Thank you both for sharing your heart. This was beautiful to read and had me in tears. So brave.
I lost a friend this same way. Her baby lived but just for a few weeks - I think of him often. There’s been a hopeful return recently. 💞
I’m sorry to hear that, Claire. Thank you for sharing and pleased to hear there might be hope on the horizon xx
What a beautiful and heartbreaking story, and all of the emotions are so understandable yet just wrenchingly incompatible. I experienced neo natal meningitis with my first born - the lumbar punctures, the intensive care. She’s now 18. I was in complete goosebumps reading about your experience. This is all so honest, complex and true. Thank you both 🙏
Thank you for reading, Emma, and for sharing your own thoughts and experiences.
I ended up taking my son to the ER at 3 months old when he spiked a fever. He was born early and had been a bit fragile at first, so I was very worried. They checked him for meningitis, which he fortunately didn't have. He just picked up some kind of virus. He was on IV fluids overnight and doing well enough to be released the next afternoon.
Very scary, I’m glad he was ok!
I tried to have a baby for 5 years, and at the same time a good friend was on a similar process. We went to the same fertility doctor. She went on to have a child. I did not. It was so so hard in the beginning. Visiting her in the hospital after she'd given birth, in retrospect I don't know how I pulled that off.
I can’t imagine, Nancy. Thank you for sharing here, and I hope that reading this has shown you that you were not alone in those thoughts.
Yes. And thank you.
Such an important conversation. Situations like this are happening even more now that people are leaving it longer to have children,
going through IVF more and sometimes one friend never gets pregnant.
I’m very happy for you that you both kept your friendship.
These situations have torn many apart.
A beautiful piece and some beautiful pictures.
X
Thanks Joanna, it's so common and I think we women feel like we have to be super women and feel happy for our friends when we're really struggling with our own feelings. I'm so grateful to Jane for sharing how it felt and I know other women will find comfort in this. Thank you for sharing your thoughts x
Oh wow, what a touching story, I can feel the love and loss and pain and more love as if it all happened today. I have a difficult story around a lost friendship and miscarriage, though I’m in many ways grateful that we were never as close as you and Jane are, as ours was not recoverable. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable part of your lives 🩵.
Thank you, Louise. Yes, I know that there are friendships out there that don’t recover, but perhaps in some way Jane and I sharing our thoughts might give space to those stories too.
There was a time when I could not get pregnant and my best friend did. I remember feeling a distance between us when the plan had been the opposite. So painful. Lives on the same tracks, suddenly headed for different stations. You learn your plans can mean nothing and the universe is fickle.
That must have been so painful, Eliza. I hope you two navigated it as we did.
This is so moving, Anna. And thank you Jane, also for your story. It's so interesting to hear both sides of the story, particularly for me because I had a similar experience when I was pregnant and a close friend lost her baby. She wasn't as close a friend as your friendship but I was devastated when she cut me off and we never managed to mend that break. She did later go on to have two children, though, which I was very happy about.
I think this is very common and so that’s why we wanted to share our story. Thanks for reading, Lily x
I'm not crying, you're crying.
What a beautiful and bittersweet account. I'm so glad the friendship was repaired in the end.
Thank you 🙏🏼❤️
Thanks for sharing. It's nice to see your friendship continuing.
Always. Thanks, Nancy
❤️
You have a very big heart Anna. I’m not sure I would feel as you do.
I guess we never know until we are in a situation but I am so grateful to Jane for sharing these deeply intimate feelings that I think are very natural for a lot of women, we just don't talk about them.